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New beginnings, Volume 3:

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Introduction

Contents New Beginnings Ruth Allison Contributors Ruth Allison A note Ruth Allison

Poetry

Spark Ruth Allison The Lovers Ruth Allison Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Ruth Allison Skinny Dipping Ruth Allison The Funeral Ruth Allison Inflamed Currents of Mind Ruth Allison Mental Rot Ruth Allison Kill the Moonlight Ruth Allison A Warning to Boys who Angle Ruth Allison Myself Ruth Allison Me Mum Ruth Allison a map of Yemen and others (2020) Ruth Allison The Backwards Year Ruth Allison Precious, of the essence Ruth Allison A zoo in my room Ruth Allison Isolation Ruth Allison Speak up, Speak out! Ruth Allison Uni Days Ruth Allison uni grad boat Ruth Allison In Time Ruth Allison Eden Ruth Allison 03.08 Ruth Allison 03:30 Ruth Allison My Alexander Ruth Allison Validation Ruth Allison You Make me So Sad Ruth Allison The Son Drawn from Water Ruth Allison Visitors at Allah’s House Ruth Allison

Short-story

No Man’s Gallery Ruth Allison Necromanitc Ruth Allison Gemini Ruth Allison 70s Ruth Allison Aqua Ruth Allison Bilston Ruth Allison A letter to the Prehistoric Woman who painted rock art at Bhimbetka Caves Ruth Allison

Myself

Ruth Allison

A full- length mirror and me, stark naked limbs limp at my side as I

slowly open my eyes to my reflection staring

back through the glass.

She’s nineteen, petite, fade-tanned skin, kind brown eyes,

Features, so many features that, on anyone else I’d find pretty,

attractive-

but they’re mine.

Why can’t those kind eyes see mine?

On this side of the glass

those standards that I reach don’t seem to pass

this test, this benchmark that I’ve set myself.

This test I’m certain someone would bet I’m clever enough

to pass.

 

That certain someone would argue that I’ve got a big heart, so tell me, Someone,

why can’t I give myself that kindness I so freely give to others,

over and over again?

I cry, sobbing sodding emotions on show-

exposed as I am

right now,

I aren’t trying to be perfect,

not for the sake of my sanity. So I cry,

I let tears drop down on to my cheeks, covering traces of healed acne, roll down my

too-big chest, once

my biggest insecurity.

I paint on a pretty smile as my corkscrew spine twists and turns through my insides.

Thighs touch, skin runs over my stomach, a blanket, sometimes pulled taught, sometimes

billowed with bloat- and that’s okay.

And I’m okay.

Grounded, deep breath as I gather my thoughts.

Bitten nails glisten ruby-red and my arms stretch up,

reaching out as towards the mirror, a stretch of my body towards

my reflection.

Towards myself, the body that has carried me so far.

Fingers dab tears from my face, smoothen short hair, pretty hair that once

tumbled down my back,

now sliced away in my frustration that I couldn’t place a kiss on the lips of another

without a bit of myself getting in the way.

 

But maybe that’s what I need?

To show myself, my body the affection that I give so freely give to others.

Give love reflected upon myself, forgetting the judgements passed in my head.

Editors for Myself not yet setup.

New beginnings, Volume 3:

New Beginnings is our third and final volume of 2020. It is also our longest yet, with close to 100 pieces having been sent in for review from over 80 writers. Additionally, this volume marks a step towards making our initiative even more inclusive, having opened submissions for art and photography, too.

2021 may not be the new beginning for which we are all hoping. In fact, it is likely that the world will stay largely the same. However, that doesn’t stop us doing what we can to make it a little better. In supporting and being involved in an initiative whose primary motivation is to build one another up, our team and readership have certainly proven to be committed to making positive change already.

First published by Ta Voix 2020